I know...it's been a while. Sorry for the blog hiatus, life got busy and I kind of lost motivation to write.
The last 5 weeks have been kind of monotonous, to me anyway. An outsider looking in might disagree with that assessment but it's kind of like the old analogy of putting a frog in a pot of cold water and slowly turning up the heat until it boils. The frog becomes accustomed and doesn't notice the water getting hotter...and then it boils to death. The boys have yet to try this science experiment in real life, I don't think they've heard the story. That and we don't have any frogs in the yard. I guess we have just gotten accustomed to our situation and are moving forward with life as best we know how.
In the last 6 weeks Sarah has made lots of improvements. It's hard for her and I to recognize them because most are just small strides but as others visit who haven't seen her in a while they notice a big difference.
She has continued to have therapy sessions 5 days a week, mainly focusing on her limb and hand eye coordination and her mobility issues. She does very well walking with the therapists and with me. She still mainly gets around the house in her wheelchair. She's not quite stable enough to walk on her own unassisted but occasionally surprises me. She is getting braver in her attempts. I think the frustration she is feeling is and will be the driving force that eventually gets her back on her feet.
A few weeks ago my mom was watching her and the boys while I was at work. Apparently they were all in the basement and the boys were fighting like always. Sarah decided she would go lay down the law and wheeled to the top of the stairs. They are steep, mind you, and there are about 13 of them. Walking unassisted and alone, she made it down safely and then clear back through the winding hallway to their bedroom. I had installed a handrail on each side of the stairwell months ago in anticipation of her using them but this was the first time in months that she has ventured to the basement. When I heard of her bold feat I kind of got mad at her at first. I pictured her tumbling down the stairs and ending up in the hospital again. After my initial reaction though I felt proud of her and was frankly amazed that she had made it. It showed us that she was capable. I think the fear of falling is holding her back quite a bit most of the time but she's never been the type to let fear stand in the way of what she wants.
Just a few days ago I got home from work and she was craving a carne asada burrito and she wanted to get out of the house bad. You know how pregnant women can be when they get a jones for something specific to eat...you don't wanna mess with that. She was waiting anxiously by the door while I was trying to round up the kids from all corners of the house and find shoes and whatnot. By the time I eventually got ready to head out the door she was outside sitting in the van. It's a short distance but somewhat of an obstacle course including concrete stairs and a sloped driveway cluttered with bikes and cats. She seems to be able to get around as long as she's holding onto something. I'm not sure how she made the gap of about 8 feet from the garage door to the van with nothing to lean on but she did. Again, I was scared but proud.
She continues to have severe double vision which she believes to be the main cause of her imbalance. We have spoken with a few different eye doctors and the consensus seems to be that we shouldn't expect much of an improvement until the brain swelling goes down. 3-6 months is kind of the standard answer we are getting for this but nobody really can know for sure. It could be something else too, we just don't know and the doctors who have seen her are unable to give a concrete diagnosis in regards to her vision and whether or not it is indeed linked to her brain swelling. As frustrating as it is, there's not much we can do. She does have an appointment with a neuro ophthalmologist soon. When we were referred to him 6 weeks ago he said he wouldn't even see her until 3 months after the surgery because of the effect that brain trauma has on the eyes.
Her speech has improved greatly since the surgery but is still nothing like what it was before she got sick. Again, others seem to notice a bigger change than I do. I was watching a video on the computer of her and the kids taken a year or so ago. She was laughing and joking around and it sounded so strange yet familiar to me to hear her how she was. I've gotten so used to the way she is now that I needed that reminder. It made me kind of sad honestly. Not sad like poor me sad, just nostalgic for things to be how they used to be.
Her pregnancy has been kind of a roller coaster. Amazingly our baby girl seems to be healthy and growing normally. We can't wait to meet her. As much as I complain about my kids, I sure do love my babies. It's just when they grow up that you want to send them back to the womb. I'm excited to have her in our life. I even catch myself looking at baby girl clothes at the store sometimes but don't tell anyone. It seems like there are a lot more options for accessorizing your baby girl than there are for boys but that's just my assessment so far.
She has been really nauseous for months now, far more than with our other kids. Maybe it's just the thought of having 5 kids. Maybe I should be the one with chronic nausea... this ultimately landed her in the hospital a few weeks ago. I got a call on a Friday afternoon and she said she was having painful contractions every 5 -10 minutes. I left my job in Bountiful and our neighbor drove her the U of U emergency room where I met them. Her doctor was out of town and though it's kind of a trek from Lehi, we felt like they would be well equipped to handle an emergency delivery on an expectant mother recovering from a recent surgery. I was worried, envisioning her giving birth at 22 weeks pregnant to a tiny child who would have close to zero chance of survival. I was praying that we didn't have to experience that trauma. After a few hours of monitoring her, running some tests and lots of IV fluids, they determined that she was severely dehydrated. Apparently it's common for dehydration to trigger a pregnant woman into labor...now you know. They felt it best to keep her overnight to monitor her. Once again she was back in her favorite place for the night. Ironically we were just right down the hall from her room at the rehab center. She did okay and was released the following evening. Similar to our last 2 stints at the U, she couldn't wait to get out of there.
Sarah has a condition called Placenta Previa. For the few guys that might be reading this, it's basically when the baby sack is sitting down lower than normal and is covering the hole where the baby needs to come out of. They say that it has the potential to be problematic as we get closer to the time of delivery but that it may resolve itself as the placenta grows. Nothing can be done about it for now. It does cause some bleeding which has been worrisome to her but each ultrasound reassures us that so far things are okay.
We've gotten back to some form of normalcy and stability as I've returned to work and the kids are back in school. It's different. I've always been able to leave for work early and know that the kids would be fed, dressed, safely taken to and from school and entertained and cared for throughout the day by Sarah. She has always been Super Mom. Lately I've been getting them ready and off to school and then friends and family have been showing up to cover until I get home. It has definitely been an adjustment for us to have others step in and do so much. I think one of the hardest aspects of the last 3 months for me has been swallowing my pride and letting others into our life to help. It is humbling to accept that we need help. So many have been so gracious with their time and I continue to be overwhelmed with the kindness of our loved ones and strangers alike. Many in our neighborhood have come forward and helped out in so many ways. I am grateful and I feel lucky to be surrounded by such good people.
As I've kind of taken on the alter ego of Mr. Mom during the last few months I've changed and grown a lot, some for the better I hope. It's not a glamorous role and has been extremely challenging but rewarding. Fortunately I haven't resorted to beating the living crap out of the kids yet but I have definitely had more than a few of those moments when you just need to step outside and take a deep breath and remember that someday they will grow up and be gone and then I'll miss them. Actually it's usually not that warm and fuzzy, more like step outside and punch an inanimate object and silently scream in my head so the neighbors don't hear. But we manage and I do love them. They have definitely been affected by all of this and I've seen some behavioral changes in all of them. Some good and some bad. I hope that as time goes on we can find a good balance and help them to adjust in a healthy way.
It was fun to go to their school and meet their teachers a few weeks ago. I'm embarrassed to say that the last year I had been so busy with work that I couldn't tell you their teachers names if you asked, let alone much about what they were learning and doing there. Just another reminder that there are more important things in life than my job. Sometimes I need a wake up call. As we were preparing for the school year to start I realized that they needed some decent shoes. I was dreading a trip to the shoe store. In my mind, Sarah would make a list of their sizes and I would go alone and just pick some...no. Fortunately Sarah and my mom did it one day while I was at work. I'm still suffering form PTSD from the last time I went shoe shopping with the whole family. Over the years I have developed an aversion to being publicly humiliated by my kids and I try to avoid it at all costs.
We were all at the shoe store, close to closing time of course because it took us so long to get ready and out of the house. I must have set my keys down so I could force a kids foot into a shoe and say "see, it fits, now let's get the hell outta here". We got up to leave and I couldn't find my keys. I don't know if you've ever been in a Famous Footwear but it's basically a humongous room with about 978 million boxes in it. After scanning the aisles and patting down the kids twice I realized the demoralizing truth that my keys had to be in a shoe box. Anyway, after a few hours of opening lids and shaking boxes and the store clerk staying after closing time to supervise, I heard the magical sound of keys as I shook a box of princess slippers. It was like Charlie finding the golden ticket in that one in a million Wonka Bar. Seriously.
So anyway. I gotta go to bed. Thanks to all for your support. If you want to visit just let me know or call her. Sarah seems to enjoy having visitors and someone to talk to. I'll try to keep a better update in the future.
