So it has been 1 week now since we found out about Sarah's brain tumor.  It's amazing how so much has changed in our life with just this one piece of information that we were previously unaware of.
Our focus has been redirected from normal day to day activities that had become so routine,  to constant planning and preparation for the weeks and months to come.    

I'd love to say that her condition is improving but honestly the symptoms have continued to decline, though not tremendously.  She remains, for the most part, very positive, optimistic and peaceful despite what is going on with her body and her mind.   The fact that we know the operation is nigh gives us hope that we can move past this in time.

The doctor prescribed Sarah with a pretty decent dose of steroids.  From my understanding these are meant to temporarily shrink the tumor, for lack of a better description, relieving a little bit of the pressure from whatever it is touching in there.  These have helped to take the edge off some of the symptoms but not entirely or constantly.  The vertigo continues to be a problem for her.  This has really affected her balance so getting around the house has been a challenge and chasing the kids with a broom has been completely out of the question. :)

She did fall a few times over the weekend and yesterday she fell in the shower.  She is okay, but definitely more cautious.  Last night I found myself in the bath safety isle at Home Depot buying a grab bar, a shower seat and a new shower head.  Normally not a big deal as I install this kind stuff for people on occasion in my profession but the experience seemed surreal to me at the time, almost like it was out of a dream.  It just didn't seem right that I was headed home to put these things in my own house for my wife.  The 2 little boys helped me install them.  It was a typical "working at home" experience.  I go out to the shop to find a drill bit while in the meantime  Ollie and Wesley open everything and dump all the parts on the floor and down the drain.  Of course I have every tool known to man in the shop expect for that one drill bit that I need.  Long story short I swear at the kids, they run off laughing,  I improvise and half ass the grab bar with the intent of doing it right tomorrow.  Any dad of young kids who has attempted to work on his own house knows exactly what I'm talking about...Sarah is laughing in the other room the whole time as I'm chucking wrenches across the bathroom.  We move on.
Tomorrow a lady from down the street is bringing a walker by for her to use.  I feel like I should buy some tennis balls to put on the feet of it.  I don't know why but every time I see an elderly person with a walker it has tennis balls on the feet so there must be a reason behind it.

  We have gotten to a point where we feel it is better that someone (other than the kids of course) is here with her at the house as often as possible.  We have been fortunate to have lots of people willing and caring enough take time out of their busy lives and help out while I am at work.  My mom spent the day with Sarah and the boys.  She took the kids to Walmart and got a big inflatable pool that they set up on the patio.  She was so helpful and I know she left exhausted.  The boys are energy leeches.  They will drain any normal adult after a day.  Sarah's Aunt will come out and stay with us for 3 weeks during and after the surgery.  She's got a lot of energy and hopefully between her, my mom, my dad and step mother and many others we can keep up with what Sarah would normally be doing.

Yesterday our niece came by to help Sarah make a notebook to help us get organized for the time after the surgery.  It's basically a manual of her day to day activities for the people who will be here to take care of the house and kids while she's in the hospital and during her expected recovery.  It includes an extensive list of names and numbers of people who have volunteered to do meals and help with kids,  Zoo passes, library cards, martial arts schedules for the boys etc, etc.  As I looked through it I was amazed at, and reminded of all the things my wife does for our family every day.  She is seriously amazing and I'm so lucky to have her as the mother of my kids.  They are lucky to have her as their mom.
Despite everything she is facing and the discomfort she is dealing with right now, I think the thing that is the hardest for her is the thought of not being able to care for our kids the way she normally does.
Here she is, scheduled for brain surgery in just a few weeks and one of her main concerns is that Wesley gets to have a fun 5th birthday party before she goes into the hospital.  His birthday is just a few days after her operation and she doesn't want him to be sad that he missed out.  This is so indicative of Sarah's character.  I can't think of a time since our first son was born almost 10 years ago that she has put her own wants or needs above the safety and well being of our children.  She is truly a selfless, devoted mother.   And while she wouldn't say it, I'm sure she knows that if it was left up to me we'd probably end up going to the gas station for Slurpees then come home and watch Pawn Stars.

The time to wait until the surgery now seems like it is just dragging on.  We are nervous but anxious to get on with things.  Sarah is having a good bit of anxiety.  I think a lot of it is brought on by the steroids but I know she's concerned about how everything will go and with getting things in line before hand.
I'm nervous and anxious.  It's all I think about.  I try not to spend too much time dwelling on the what if's but I'd be lying if I said I don't think about possible outcomes quite a bit.  We know there is only so much that we have control over and we are doing our best to take care of those things.
We feel optimistic that everything will improve in time and that our life will be better because of it.  This experience is definitely putting me in check with what is really important in my life and I'm sure Sarah feels the same.

I was thinking today about our brain surgeon.  He's a nice, normal guy.  I can't imagine how it would be to wake up in the morning and go to work knowing that the life of a mother and the fate of her family hinges on the steadiness of his hands.  What a heavy burden that must be, one I'm happy to not have.  We have the utmost confidence in his abilities to do everything in his capacity to perform a successful operation.  I know that beyond that, it is in God's hands.  We feel at peace with whatever the outcome may be.
I'm thinking I might try to see if I can cut a little under the table deal with him to maybe remove her memories of all of the times in the past 12 years that I've been a complete horses ass.  This could get pricey though, especially if he's charging piece rate.

Anyway, we are excited and ready for the next step.  On Thursday we'll meet with our OBGYN/Anesthesiologist to do some tests and blood work and go over some more details, risks, expectations etc.
 
And just as a disclaimer, I hope everyone reading this knows that my attempts at humor are meant with no disrespect to my wife or anyone else in a similar situation.  Everyone who knows us knows that's just who we are.  I am lucky to be married to such a fun woman who can laugh at herself, and at me even in such a serious time of life.

Thanks for reading.