Well...here we are, less than 2 days away from Sarah's brain tumor surgery.  The last few weeks seem to have gone by so slowly.   Sarah is hanging in there, optimistic but uncomfortable, anxious and restless.   She is ready to get on with her life, whatever the future may hold.
We had a little scare this week.  She was worried she may have lost the baby but after an ultrasound yesterday we were reassured that baby is still alive and well.  I was looking for that telltale sign of another boy but I guess it's still a little too soon.  Baby was moving around in there though.  It's amazing to me to be able to see the little arms and the whole spine and even a little glimpse of a face.

She has had an extremely hard time sleeping at night.  The steroids are giving her a lot of energy and anxiety at  but she is in such discomfort that it has been hard to do much so she she's just kind of feeling trapped in her mind.  Poor thing.  She says she can't wait for the anesthesiologist to make it all go away for a day during the surgery.  I can only imagine how badly she's wanting some relief from all this.

We have a little bit of experience with hospitals and such but this is very new and different to us.  We (Sarah that is,  I was just a semi-innocent bystander) have delivered 4 sons in the last 10 years.  Their deliveries were more or less scheduled, planned and went fairly smoothly and without major issue.   For the most part these experiences were very pleasant and after the first one we kind of thought we knew what to expect.  Of course it's easy for me to say all this.  All I ever had to do was walk her in, offer  occasional moral support, relax in my own bedside Lazy Boy recliner, cut the cord and bask in the warm fuzzy afterglow that a new baby brings.  If Sarah were writing this you would probably get a little more colorful description.  I am grateful to have 4 healthy boys and I think Sarah is just a truly amazing woman for bringing them safely into the world.

 In 2004 our first son Geddy, under 2 years old at the time, was run over by a car in a friends driveway.  We spent a week in Primary Childrens Hospital with him.   This was a time when we were running on adrenaline, fear and prayers.  It all happened in the blink of an eye with no time to mentally prepare ourselves.  An emergency situation in the hospital is nothing like the long awaited birth of a baby.  You literally are acting on instinct with no option but to turn your child over to those who can help him.  It took a few weeks for him to re learn to walk and for his fractured pelvis to heal but he did great.  Geddy, now almost 10, is a very healthy and happy boy with no apparent remnants from the accident save a barely visible scar on his abdomen.

Again in the summer of 2010 we had a surprise trip to the ER when our son Eli took a nose dive off of a picnic table at the park and knocked himself unconscious.  He was life flighted to Primary Children's medical center and released just a few hours later with a minor concussion and an enormous goose egg on his forehead.  That whole experience lasted maybe 4 hours tops but did include an exciting drive down parley's canyon from Park City where I was working.  Eli was barely shaken and was wanting to ride his bike and jump on the trampoline the next day.  Fortunately he quickly recovered and is fine.  Even before that day though we had given him the nickname "Eli Kenevil" due to his long track record of stunts and minor injuries...definitely our most accident prone child still to this day.

So I guess we have had a good bit of hospital trauma and drama but Sarah's brain tumor doesn't seem to fit into any category of experience that we can wrap our mind around yet.  We really just don't know what to expect.  There are so many possible outcomes and for the last 3 weeks we've both been pretty stir crazy thinking about it.   Sarah seems to be very calm and confident that after the surgery she will be better.   I have tried to keep my mind occupied with work and caring for her and the kids but my head is definitely spinning with scenarios.  I'm glad we are getting close to the operation now so we can hopefully start to get some clarity and ease our minds.

There has been a tremendous outpouring of love and compassion towards us from so many.  I watched something on TV a while back about a guy who won a huge chunk of money in a lottery.  He talked about how all of a sudden people he had known in life, old friends, long lost relatives and even people he had at one time burned a bridge with all of a sudden were emerging back into his life, hoping to get a piece of his newfound fortune.
We can somewhat relate to this.  Since the news of Sarah's diagnosis, people are literally coming out of the woodwork to offer help and support in any way that they can.  Some who aren't able to physically help have given in other ways.  So many have brought over meals, taken our boys for a few hours or the day to entertain and care for them, even cleaned our house.  I came home last week to someone I hardly know doing our laundry.  Luckily I had just washed all of my socks underwear the day before.  Friends with whom I have, simply out of my antisocial nature, lost contact with over the years have reached out with sincere love and compassion to offer their support or anything else we might need.  I have had guys offer to help me at work to finish a big job sooner in order to take some time off.  Guys who have their own jobs and families and commitments.  While I have yet to take any of them up on the offer,  I am seriously humbled by their kindness and sincerity.  All I can say is that I am blown away by this realization that we are surrounded by so many good people.

The boys are taking everything in stride I guess.   I can tell they are concerned for their mom but they are each reacting differently.  The rowdiness level has increased a bit in the household, even though I thought it was maxed out already.  They can tell things aren't quite normal around here and I think this triggers some acting out.   Wesley, my 4 year old,  decided that instead of getting in the van to go and get dinner yesterday that he would hop on his bike and take off down the street.  Luckily my mom was with me so it looked like less of a kidnapping situation than previous incidents when I have had to snatch him off the street kicking and screaming and toss him in the back door of the van by myself.
Eli has been asking if we think that he will get a tumor.  We tease him sometimes when he tries to steal a sip of Sarah's drink that he better not or he might get one too.   That reminds me of something funny Sarah said when we were at the hospital for her last appointment.  When she was getting out of the van the valet kid came to help her  and when he grabbed her arm she said laughing "Don't worry, I'm not contagious, it's just a brain tumor."

Today they went to the parade with Grandma Lani and then this evening my Dad took me and the boys to the carnival.  On a side note, the carnival is weird.  Speaking of people coming out of the woodwork...I'm just gonna stop there.  Ollie and Wes had fun on the stupid off road jeep ride thing, Geddy won a goldfish and Eli convinced me he could handle one of those spinning rides that they probably have to hose down 2 or 3 times a day.  I managed to finish the night without getting puked on and we had fun.

Last week Sarah's friend came over to the house and cut her hair really short.  I guess she was wanting one less thing to worry about.  She's still gorgeous and maybe it helped prepare her for tomorrow when we will go in for some prep work on her skull.  I'm not exactly sure how it's all going to go down but my understanding is that they will shave the spot on the back of her head where the craniotomy will be taking place.  They will then do another MRI and map out the route on her skull and in her brain for the surgeon to plan his operation.   I'm picturing chalk lines and a grid across her head for a layout but hopefully it is a little more sophisticated than the way I would do it.

She really just seems ready and eager to get it done and is anticipating a successful operation and a positive outcome.  I am hopeful for the same.  Her surgery starts at 10:30 on Monday and they expect it to take around 5 hours.  I will post an update on Facebook for those following and will try to keep you all in the loop as soon as we know more.

Again, we are so thankful for all of you.